You are a first time mother when...

I have been wondering about the changes in my life since blueberry. The past few weeks have been hectic because he got sick then claude left for 2 weeks for work. I started thinking what made me a mother and what my life has become. Here's a "you are a first time mother when" list...according to me:

• when in the middle of doing something, you think of something else that you need to do more urgently and you start that thing and then you think of something else that needs to be done while doing that thing...and so on and so forth....
• when people in the street tell you that you have buttoned your jacket/sweater/shirt wrong
• when your arms become so muscular and sore from lifting your baby and you have dark circles under your eyes from sleep deprivation
  
• when you are at this weird size, skinny for pregnancy clothes but still fat for your normal clothes....
• when you become an expert on how to remove poop stain
• when you decide whether to eat although not hungry or to eat cold
  
• when every time you enter the bathroom there are clothes to wash or dry or hang and you wonder how dirty clothes magically appear like that
• when you get surprised by how much you can do with only one hand
• when you know you need new clothes but have no time to go shopping
• when you have that one moment of quiet when you decide to brush your teeth and your baby starts crying and you insist on finishing brushing your teeth and feel so achieved for having done something for yourself
  
• when you forget to look in the mirror
• when your nigthmares change themes: baby suffocating under multiple blankets, baby growing at an unstoppable rate,people calling you fat, and the worst: after baking a chocalate cake realizing that there is none left for you (seriously though a lot of food-related nightmares, mama needs food)
• when you are in this fusional relationship (I swear I'm cold when he is cold,my throat hurts when he is sick and sometimes holding him I cannot tell whether it's my stomach or his that makes the sounds
•  when you have moments of heart melt various times of the day ( when he loks at you in the eye,when he smiles at you, when he sleeps, when he tries to talk)
• when you already hate the woman who is going to steal his heart (sorry, he deserves so much better)
• when you not only worry about daily things (e.g., is he gonna poop today?) but also everything (e.g., is he gonna use hard drugs? what about the climate change?and world water supply?)
• when it's 4PM and you are still in your pj cause you just didn't have the time to change
• when you look at your friends with no kids and think how much younger they look although you are the same age
• when writing a small blog entry like this takes about 6 days
• when people still expect you to magically lose your baby fat and have no shame in commenting on your belly size
•  and when despite all the fatigue and insecurities, you still smile and feel happier than ever...