What I wish I had known before my baby

 You know I like lists. I read this article  (item 20 is my favorite, and items # 7& 9, so true!) and started thinking what  I wish I'd known before. Here's my list:

1. It's OK to eat a lot while you're breastfeeding, you need a lot of calories to feed your baby...much more than during pregnancy, don't be ashamed to eat like a horse...this is one time in your life that you can enjoy excessive indulgence.

2. While buying clothes, don't go for cute, go for functional/practical...

3. Delegate: your husband is there to help you, your family is there to help you but somehow nobody will do anything unless you ask them to...think professional: divide tasks to conquer.

4. Talk to other parents, don't be ashamed to ask for tips and know hows...the perfect parents who look so on top of things are as clueless as you are...

5. Motherhood is a tangled web of guilt...You can blame yourself for everything bad that happens... Stop it right now...

6. If you are crazy enough to use washable diapers (yes, that's us), don't even think about it the first 3 months of baby's life...

7. Have a "me" time, go to yoga, go running, go get your nails done, WITHOUT your baby...If you have no family around, find a babysitter, it will be worth every penny...otherwise you'll lose it...

8. Give yourself a break everyday : When the baby sleeps, don't run around to finish all the house chores, stop, have a coffee, breathe, and savor 5 minutes of silence and doing just nothing...

9. Be prepared for the sicknessess that will come: Always have a paracetamol in the house...it's not cool to look for an open pharmacy on a Sunday night...

10. Don't feel guilty when you cannot afford the best or the most expensive baby item in the market (be it a stroller, carseat, furniture, clothes, diapers, etc)...Even if you can afford, most of the time, these things are not worth the investment anyway...

11. The first 3 months are easy, the baby sleeps most of the time.  Don't let these months fool you: it's going to get more and more challenging as he will sleep less and demand more.

12. Don't make any ambitious professional plans for after birth. You'd rather cuddle your baby than spend time in front of your computer or on skype meetings. You will see that even the most unambitious plans like going to supermarket will require much planning and organization.

I only have 12 for now...but have 5 more months to finish the remaining 8 :)

Blueberry is 7 months!

Where does the time go?
Who knows!!
I'm a little scared it's going to be always like that...3 years, 4 years, 17 years...I'll look back and say "how come"???

Red hair??

The biggest milestone of the past 2 months was food diversification:  He was less and less interested in my milk (was playing, turning his head), and more and more interested in actual food (when we were eating, he was opening and closing his mouth). So we said it's time. He tasted a bunch of fruits (pear, apple, banana, mango, peach) and vegetables (zucchini, broccoli, carrot, peas, leek, onion, potatoes), all with a lot of appetite and joy (yes, I said onions and broccoli). I think he is definitely a “bon vivant”, as the French say.

Food diversification at its best!

He has a high chair now and he sits with us on the table every time we eat.

He is a love bug, he cannot get enough hugs and kisses, and I take the blame for that...He shows his affection to me by sucking my chin and cheeks…and I melt…

Pasha with his first boots

Everyone (my family, claude's family, people at the crèche, my friends)  calls him "pasha". It's funny that we heard that coming from so many different people. I think he totally is a pasha :)

He cracks up when I make silly sounds, I sing made-up songs, and I kiss his belly button :)

He fake coughs...he knows that we will run to him if he coughs so he totally fakes it to get attention…


Every morning, with his little index finger, he presses the button on the coffee machine to turn it on (with some help from his dad)

He likes to touch people, which can be a problem on public transportation :)

He learned to clap his hands and we feel so proud that he was able to coordinate both of his hands to achieve that, a small step for the world, a big step for parents :)

Our someville baby learning about the American culture :)

Reflections, shadows, the texture of fabrics fascinate him.

He still gets up multiple times at nights and it is tiring!! We were hoping that now that he is less sick it would get better…but no, it didn’t. Parents out there, any tips would be appreciated!!

Confession

Blueberry is at the crèche, I have a presentation in the Netherlands next week so I have to work...but I so don't feel like it

I miss him...I'm spending my time looking at his pictures...

The sickness break from the crèche was a little hard on me, it's almost like we restarted our adaptation...

For the first time in my life I feel very unambitious, I actually don't see the point of presentations, articles, publications, working late at night...I haven't touched the subject of my presentation since his birth.

I was so tempted to cancel this presentation because I know I'm going to ridicule myself and get grilled by the "experts".Who am I to make a  presentation on a subject I barely know on a topic I don't really care? Plus my mother brain works very slowly for poop-unrelated issues. So I won't even be able to pretend like I know what I'm talking about. But...the mama warrior in me decided to go for it, despite all my fears, I'll just do it, for all motherkind

I think I'll go pick him up early today...maybe I should cancel my talk...

We made it!

My blueberry and I survived 2 sicknesses and 4 days without claude.I feel and look a little bit like the woman in the picture though.

I had a chat with the director of the crèche to discuss what we can possibly change so that he does'n't get sick as often. I wanted them to know that we were not fine with this situation. It was a challenge for me to remain cool on the phone without sounding like I'm  doubting the conditions of the crèche (I do, but they shouldn't know that). Anyway, we talked and now we have an action plan.  I'm such a successfull proactive mama, go me!

And finally...I noticed I haven't been updating the blog with blueberry photos...So here's my sick bébé...

Sick but still smiley..Oh, how I love him!

He hit his head on the corner of our chair, poor thing :(

Update

Thank you for your comments and mails of encouragement.

Mean virus!

Sevan is doing better. We saw our  pediatrician today and she said that she was impressed by how fast he was recovering. I didn't think it was fast but apparently, around 6 months or before + RSV = hospitalization in most cases. He has very little stuff left in his lungs, his breathing is almost normal, no fever, better appetite, we'll keep on doing the aerosol and kiné to be on the safe side.


Bad news  is (yes, it never ends) he has yet another ear infection.

The pediatrician told me that the immune system of babies makes a "V", so very good at birth, rock bottom around 6 months and up again thereafter. She said a virus every 3 weeks is normal for a baby who goes to a crèche. I'd be so happy with one every 3 weeks, our average so far is 1.3 virus per week. 

As on myself: I got a little break this saturday. I declared it my spa day, I first took a long shower, which even involved the use of my scrub *gasp* , then I paid a long due visit to Zara and ladies and gentlemen even used the fitting room and I bought myself very breastfeeding unfriendly tops, that's right!!

It was good...

Now I hope that energy will carry me over 2 sicknesses to beat and 4 Claudeless days...

RSV

This sickness is emotionally draining...There's no cure nor injections...You just wait for the virus to run its course. It may take about 10 days...

We started the kiné, he cries and coughs without a stop during it...I don't like it!

We are doing aerosol, he hates the mask, we're doing it without the mask but still he is not comfortable at all, I don't like it!

At this point the usual pain killer we give him is losing its effect after 2 hours, now we are alternating that one with another one, I don't like it!

He squeaks in pain, he has no sleep at night, sometimes he coughs so much without a stop that I worry about his breath, I don't like it!

I try to breastfeed in little amounts but more often,  he barely eats anything, I see him getting weaker and thinner everyday, I don't like it!

I'm really questioning my choice of sending him to a crèche, feeling incredibly guilty, I don't like it!

I think I need a break...

50 shades of sickness!

Mama is about to lose it!!!!!
Now, we got acquainted with the Respiratory Syncytial Virus, Sevan has bronchitis!

I couldn't pull myself to go to the emergency this time.  Claude who went to the hospital came home with at least 5 different kinds of drugs and a scary looking machine that is on the left. It comes with a mask. It is for a procedure called aerosol...

Now, we are waiting for our kiné to come. She is supposed to do something like this, which looks very violent to me.

I'm eating all my worries one Belgian chocolate at a time. Go home RSV and leave my child alone, we don't like you!!

In hate with breastfeeding

Go ahead natural mamas...shoot me

But right now, I am so much in hate with breastfeeding and feel so deceived...

I nursed my child for 6 months, exclusively, without a break, despite seeing his acid reflux caused by my milk and feeling guilty, despite seeing his gas cramps and feeling guilty, I changed my diet, no citrus fruits, no dairy products, no gluten, no nuts, no legumes, no this, no that, of course, no coffee, no chocolate and no wine...is it flowing too fast? do I have enough? but I continued...tired, sleepless, exhausted...it was difficult...physically and psychologically...but it was worth it I thought...

after all this is the best he can get, he will be protected and won't get sick...or if he gets sick..he will recover fast...so that we won't need antibiotics..All he needs is in the breastmilk... Right?

WRONG!

2 weeks since he started crèche...It's been 2 weeks of never ending chain of sicknesses... OK, I'm fine with fever, flu, some stomach virus...

This time, it's an ear infection...we found ourselves at the emergency...Now I see my child squealing of pain...Here I am, standing with my big boops, unable to help...

Why? How come?? I thought this wasn't supposed to happen. This was the goal of all these sacrifices...

We started antibiotics...

Don't know...I'm bitter right now and tired...It will probably pass tomorrow and I will come to my senses but right now...

Breastmilk, I'm so disappointed in you!

Breastmilk: 0 Crèche virus: 2

TGIF!

I saw this on Miss DizzyKate's facebook page and loved it. It is SO TRUE!

For one millisecond you get excited about things that used to excite you, like the coming of Friday, a beautiful concert, an exciting party invitation, and then you say oh wait, CANNOT do, I'm a mom...

So TGIF (Thank God it's Friday) becomes IIFA (Is it Friday Already?).

Happy Friday everyone!

Tuesday

My ambitious plan to have 2 meetings and attend a seminar on sevan's first day of the crèche failed miserably...

Sevan couldn't go because he got sick...

3 important lessons learned:
1. He is the boss: Well, I knew that already but he keeps on teaching this to me over and over again...
2. Don't underestimate the power of vitamins before the rentrée of the crèche: Breast milk creates wonders but boost the vitamins nonetheless.
3. Sickness is a chain reaction: first baby gets sick, then mom gets sick and then dad gets sick...Great!

It was the first time he got sick: nothing major, sneezing, coughing runny nose, a little bit of fever but a lot, a lot of crankiness, which was really tiring. We got acquainted to accessories such as nasal aspirator, that basically serves to suck your babie's snot right into your mouth (oh glamour!).

But at the end, I am very proud to report that we were really cool about it. Of course, we called the hospital just to check but we survived with no medications and no emergency doctor visits! I read that this is supposed to happen 5-6 times a year *sigh* but these sicknesses help boost the immune system of the baby.

my sick bébé :(

As on my meetings, my first meeting was an important one, so I didn't cancel that one -yes I'm that heartless mother who left her sick child behind, and let me tell you it felt like victory!

After 4 hours, I came back feeling very achieved, he didn't look traumatized, he played with me a little and fell asleep..It was all good. 

Adaptation

This is the summary of our lives nowadays...We are adapting...to our new lives...to our new schedules...to our new sleeping patterns...to being just us, no family around, no holidays on the corner.

First, our period of adaptation for the daycare has officially begun this week, which means I left Sevan to the crèche for 2 hours for 3 days. It's a bio crèche, it is the best we could have found, I trust all the caregivers there etc.

But I was heartbroken the first day. my brain was constantly thinking of him, what was he doing now? was he crying? did they know what to do if he was crying? I wished there were cameras everywhere so I could track him on a screen.

All dressed up for the school :)

After an hour and a half, I went there running. I found him buried in the breasts of the director who was singing to him. He seemed happy and content. He was smiling and playing with the director's face. I was like, great!

But on the way back, he refused to look at me or talk to me. When I was calling his name, he was literally turning his head on the other side. I kept saying to myself, oh no, he must be tired, it's not personal...But on our way back home, he greeted my friend who was waiting for us with a huge smile. It  was clear, he was doing this to me.

And you can imagine how I felt afterwards. Like I left him to strangers on purpose and he was very aware of it and it upset him. I spent the night thinking of alternative plans, can we afford to hire someone who can keep him in the house? can I keep him myself, while I'm doing job applications, writing papers and proposals? I couldn't find a better solution.

I keep on telling myself that it will be good for us. We haven't been apart for more than 2 hours ever since he was born. It's beautiful...but it's getting very very challenging for me and I'm really not sure how healthy it is for him. 

Our first separation for more than 2 hours will be this week. He'll be at the daycare on Tuesday from 9:00 to 14:00. I scheduled a lot of meetings for that day. I won't be in Brussels.

Surviving baby's first plane ride

I was excited to take the plane with blueberry. We were finally going to be those passengers with children who are called first for boarding....guess what? nobody called us...thanks turkish airlines for taking away our one moment of glory...

Anyways...here's what worked for us:

Before the ride:

1. If you can, pick a time where the baby won't be cranky: Plane rides around 7 PM for us are not a good idea.

2. Pick a weekday to travel: Keep in mind that Sundays are the worst.

3.  Call the airline to ask a few tips: I asked where to sit on the plane, what time to arrive to the gate, what to do with the stroller etc. Really, nothing they said was new information to me but hey I felt better and less stressed, which is essential.

3. Pack light: Really just take the essential.

4. Do online check-in to save time:  Choose a window sit (it's really nice to have some privacy while breastfeeding, plus you can use the shades).

5. Convince someone to come with you.

S. eating his boarding pass and showing proudly his passport 

On the day of the ride:

1. Dress your baby in layers and comfortable clothes: I wasn't sure what to put on him, so I did layers, a short-sleeve body, a long-sleeve thin sweater, and it worked well.

2. Pack for the carry-on: Diapers, an extra set of clothes, pacifier, a hat, a blanket, socks, water, a silent toy, a changing pad, an antibacterial pocket gel. Oh and also, we were advised to take our baby carrier to be able to walk with the baby on the plane, but our plane ride was only for 3 hours and we really didn't use it

2. Go there earlier than you normally would, we all know that even to get out of the house with a baby is an adventure.
 
3. Check if there's a family counter for the airline: I discovered that only on our way back. Apparently sometimes there's a hidden family counter for only families with children to dispose your luggage. Yes, you can avoid the line.

4. Ask the flight attendant if the plane is full and whether you can have an empty sit next to you. You won't always get it but it doesn't hurt to ask.

5. If you are traveling with your stroller don't let them damage it!!

•  Ask for a plastic bag to pack your stroller at the check-in counter. This is essential!!! We didn't know this on our way...our brand new stroller was all scratched and the baby insert of our carseat was gone. And there's nothing you can do about it :(
•  Remove all parts that you can from the carseat and stroller: pillows, inserts, extra covers, anything that may fall...
• Try to protect your stroller by any way you can: I did some foam padding on the way back. Apparently there are also travel bags like these that you can purchase.

6. Get yourself a coffee and something to eat cause on board you won't have the possibility, unless you're traveling with someone.


During the ride:

1. During take off and landing: Nurse, nurse, nurse!! Or bottle feed, give a pacifier, anything that will cause the sucking motion will be good.

2. I know you soo want another coffee but you don't want to spill your hot drink on your bébé.So no to hot drinks.

3. Try to reassure your baby, hug or talk or sing or do whatever works for your child. Not sure if it was the noise on the plane, the unknown environment, or the pressure but I noticed Sevan needed that.

and relax...

If it goes well and the baby falls asleep, great, if not, think that you will never see the people who sit around you and complain ever again...

How did it go for us??We were so comfortable on our first ride that yes, I had the time to read about 70 pages of my book, go me!!! On our way back, sunday evening, 0 pages!

Blueberry was on vacation

We went to Bodrum,we survived our first plane ride (which will be my next entry), Sevan got to meet the sea and the sun more intimately, on the beach, he rocked his first bathing suit, his crocs (thanks yaya) and his awesome firefighter hat, he was spoiled as much as possible, my family completely fell in love with him, there were tears when we were leaving.

Sevan continues to giggle and nowadays he seems to be fascinated with his fingers... he's still not rolling despite all my mom's efforts :)


Claude and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary, there was my birthday that nobody really remembered, nor cared enough to buy me a gift (apparently when you are a mother, all the gifts go to the baby).

I'm feeling a little blah nowadays...Don't know...I feel negative, I think negative...I'm really happy to be back but I'm not in a good mood, must be the coming of the fall

Carrying the bébé

Now, I never thought this would be a major issue in my life. But it became.

If you have an old and borrowed stroller like us, when you are alone, you need a quick and dirty way to get out of the house with your bébé. In the European market you have multiple choices but we were recommended especially the following:

1. Baby wrap:
I so wanted to be one of those hot and hip moms who carry their babies in colorful wraps in every possible position. I was daunted. After all, these things come with a user manual and a CD.
My friend Nadine who is a sworn believer in baby wrap (tragetuch, as she calls them) owns 3. She even went to Didymos factory in Germany to buy new ones, including *ahem* a limited edition wrap.

N. rocking limited edition wrap with her son

So when she came to visit us, she brought one wrap for me to try. I tried the cross-cradle. Nadine made it look oh so easy. But in fact, it's like this:
http://www.wrapyourbaby.com/crosscradle.htm

Okay, I gave it a shot.  I mean look at the beautiful fabrics and designs they have on the right. It took me and blueberry a while to get used to it but he finally looked comfy.

Pros: It's good for babies, there are many different ways to use it, it is easy on your back, and pretty.

Cons: While you're preparing the wrap you either need someone to hold the baby or to put the baby down. And almost always the wrap is on the floor. It is complicated and takes a lot of practice.

Later that day, at a hot café downtown,  I made a show when I tried to put him back in my wrap: half of the wrap on the floor, half wrapped around my legs, him crying, customers laughing and watching, me sweating...Pff, I gave up.  I'm not cool enough. Maybe my decision was too quick of a decision, maybe I should have tried and practiced more but I'm impatient, sorry wrap, you're not for us.

2. Manduca

Manduca is a German brand and multiple parents in Brussels told us that it was THE BEST. We believed and we bought it (I mean yaya did,thanks mom).

Sleeping comfortably

Pros: You can have the baby on your back (for hiking), in front,even on the side. It is supposed to be perfect for your hips and shoulders, and you can use it until the baby is 20 kgs. You can easily slide the baby in without someone else's help. Plus the baby's posture is good, legs apart, back straight.



Cons: There's no way to carry him in front when he is not facing you. At 2-3 months, they get curious, they wanna look around, but with manduca,since head is against the chest, it's not easy.

I'm never comfortable pulling his legs this much apart, and he doesn't seem to like it. Plus, after I'm done using it, I realize that his legs have red marks.

And finally, when it's hot outside, despite the fact that it is 100% organic cotton, you both sweat. Here's a picture of us with Manduca.


3. Baby Bjorn Carrier: I haven't tried this one but it looks like this.

Pros: simple,quick,easy to put the baby in, baby can look around.

Cons: The legs of babies don't really rest (versus look how they sit in manduca), especially not very good for baby boys I heard, parents get tired after 2 hours max.

I talked to a dad who told me they had all 3. He said they were using all at different times for different purposes.

4. Ergo Baby: Ergobaby and Manduca show a lot of similarities. They are both good for your back, baby's position is very good. You can have it in organic fabric. etc. Ergobaby is a little simpler than Manduca.

We tried an Ergobaby before and we chose Manduca over it. Simply because to carry a new born you needed an insert that you had to buy extra that looked like this.

We didn't like the idea of carrying 2 things (insert+carrier)(what if you forget the insert?) and sweat even more with the extra cushion layer.

**********



These things are a budget, if you are like us and don't want to buy all of them, the best way is to wait until your baby is born, and try them with your baby and see how you both feel about it. But keep in mind that it might be difficult at first but eventually, you'll both get used to it.

Blueberry is 4 months!

Sorry for lousy blogging, so many things happenned last month.

On the way

Blueberry took the train for 7 hours non-stop to go to his first wedding. He was sublime, the pessengers nearby almost thanked us in disbelief, yes, he slept almost the entire way, you're welcome people :)

and the way back :)

He got his first shot: I was so nervous about it that I delayed it for about a month and a half. At the end, it wasn't that bad. 

He got his French passport, Turkey, here we come!

He is grabbing and almost rolling.

He is drooling, a lot.

He is not only smiling but also laughing. 

We found him an organic daycare (bio crèche) walking distance to us. The details on how we found it will be on another post but it involves a lot of stess, sleepless nights, keywords to impress,an interview, multiple wait lists,etc. He'll start part-time in October.

As on me: The other day, a saleswoman asked me if I had an adolescent daughter and told me that "hmmm medium size was a little too tight for me". I was already feeling old and fat (an adolescent child??? How old do you think I am seriously?!) so I went running to a hair dresser. Below my new look.

As if feeling old and fat was not enough, I started to shed, I thought I was supposed to shed right after labor and was thinking "whooohooo, lucky me, I'm not losing my hair." Oh not too fast!! It started, after 4 months, hair is EVERYWHERE!

Blueberry is 3 months (and a week) old!

3 months have passed, in my head it's still April... I can't believe the summer is almost gone...

Blueberry is growing very very fast. He is chatting:

singing (I don't have that in video yet, but he is adorable!), playing with this toys, almost grabbing, always very curious

and smiling

You are a first time mother when...

I have been wondering about the changes in my life since blueberry. The past few weeks have been hectic because he got sick then claude left for 2 weeks for work. I started thinking what made me a mother and what my life has become. Here's a "you are a first time mother when" list...according to me:

• when in the middle of doing something, you think of something else that you need to do more urgently and you start that thing and then you think of something else that needs to be done while doing that thing...and so on and so forth....
• when people in the street tell you that you have buttoned your jacket/sweater/shirt wrong
• when your arms become so muscular and sore from lifting your baby and you have dark circles under your eyes from sleep deprivation
  
• when you are at this weird size, skinny for pregnancy clothes but still fat for your normal clothes....
• when you become an expert on how to remove poop stain
• when you decide whether to eat although not hungry or to eat cold
  
• when every time you enter the bathroom there are clothes to wash or dry or hang and you wonder how dirty clothes magically appear like that
• when you get surprised by how much you can do with only one hand
• when you know you need new clothes but have no time to go shopping
• when you have that one moment of quiet when you decide to brush your teeth and your baby starts crying and you insist on finishing brushing your teeth and feel so achieved for having done something for yourself
  
• when you forget to look in the mirror
• when your nigthmares change themes: baby suffocating under multiple blankets, baby growing at an unstoppable rate,people calling you fat, and the worst: after baking a chocalate cake realizing that there is none left for you (seriously though a lot of food-related nightmares, mama needs food)
• when you are in this fusional relationship (I swear I'm cold when he is cold,my throat hurts when he is sick and sometimes holding him I cannot tell whether it's my stomach or his that makes the sounds
•  when you have moments of heart melt various times of the day ( when he loks at you in the eye,when he smiles at you, when he sleeps, when he tries to talk)
• when you already hate the woman who is going to steal his heart (sorry, he deserves so much better)
• when you not only worry about daily things (e.g., is he gonna poop today?) but also everything (e.g., is he gonna use hard drugs? what about the climate change?and world water supply?)
• when it's 4PM and you are still in your pj cause you just didn't have the time to change
• when you look at your friends with no kids and think how much younger they look although you are the same age
• when writing a small blog entry like this takes about 6 days
• when people still expect you to magically lose your baby fat and have no shame in commenting on your belly size
•  and when despite all the fatigue and insecurities, you still smile and feel happier than ever...